C&J Blog Article


More of your Agony Uncle questions!

Why do boys drink so much - ­ my other half is 35 and still thinks it¹s funny to go out and get plastered. Will he ever grow out of it? I¹m at my wits end!

Colin: Hey, your fella is not alone in this thinking – binge drinking, in the UK, is on the increase with more and more of us going out to get absolutely plastered. Cheaper drink, easy availability and peer pressure are all part of the booze equation. We like the odd tipple, but we tend not to over drink, so being drunk is seldom a problem. Respect the bottle, respect yourself say I! Lad’s, traditionally, drink more than girls, because that’s the way it’s generally been so therefore guys are more likely to get drunk. If this is something that happens occasionally and he’s ‘a good drunk’ then let him be. If, however, this is becoming a regular occurrence - or he’s abusive - then I’d recommend spending your free time together on pursuits that don’t involve booze such as cinema or, theatre etc. Or failing that get him to seek counselling from Alcoholics Anonymous!

Justin: Most boys I know like a few bevvies but that, as long as it doesn’t get out of control is, okay. Moderation, for me, means I can enjoy booze and then leave it till the next time. I tend to drink at weekends and it works well like this for me. Perhaps encouraging your fella to try this routine is a good starting point. Also, from my experience, many girls, these days, can give boys a run for their money in the sauce stakes. But come on; it shouldn’t be about gender, rather cutting back and learning that alcohol can be a fun reward... on occasions. I’d recommend a good heart to heart to make sure that there isn’t an underlying reason for him hitting the bottle. Is he trying to escape from something? Is everything actually good with you as a couple? The more information you have… the more you can help sort this out before it becomes an even bigger issue.

Why do men not bother buying nice pants or socks ­ it drives me mad. My man says it¹s for girls to have nice underwear ­ I disagree!

Colin: Hey girlfriend, where have you been for the last 20 years? Don’t you know that it’s part of your remit to shop for and dress your man? Duh! Men’s attitudes to shopping and fashion have really changed over the last few years – it’s the Beckham effect – and boys are now taking more time with fashion, grooming and, in particular, pant buying! Your guy seems to be a bit out of the fashion loop, so don’t delay, hit the stores and buy him his first few pairs of Calvin Kleins and then tell him he looks as good in them as Christano Ronaldo. Hopefully the fashion pant penny will drop and you can say goodbye to the male equivalent of Bridget Jones… forever!

Justin: What are you doing here? Trying to create a ‘Dress me up Barbie’ with your fella? You chose him so let him wear what he wants! That said, a wee shopping trip to TK Maxx for a few pairs of Ginch Gonch briefs (they’re half the price here than anywhere else!) will show him that stylish pants don’t need to break the bank. If you really want to mould him, then bag a copy of GQ or FHM and show him how hot a bloke can look in the right undercrackers! If he still doesn’t respond to your attempts, hit the shops and buy him a few pairs of nicer pants than he currently sports. In the first instance don’t go overboard with Mankini’s, rather help him up the style ladder gradually. Even M&S now carry well designed options so try these out for starters and then see where you go. 

My brother is bone idle ­he¹s 22 and won¹t do anything for himself, driving me and my mum mad! Why are guys so lazy?

Colin: Sounds like your brother has had an easy life and when guys find themselves in a comfort zone, that’s when they become lazy. It also sounds like he lives at home too, so first things first: mum has to include him in the daily running of the house, making him contribute to the home he lives in and making sure he is aware of what his responsibilities are both practically and financially! Yes, perhaps your Mum’s got to make him accountable for his own bills etc to make him get off his ass and start working! If it’s more than just laziness then its important to get him motivated, so find out what his passions are – sport, music, photography, for example? And try to help point him in a direction where he can begin his life path! 22 and lazy, huh? Yup, sometimes youth really is wasted on the young! 

Justin: Stop right there! Not ALL boys are lazy. Laziness is a learned behaviour so start dishing out the orders (slowly and gradually) until he gets into the swing of being involved in household chores. Osmosis is best rather than making him feel put upon with too many tasks at once. Compiling a simple ‘tick off’ list will make him see that lots of things have to be done for a house to run properly so keep him reminded of this. Swap tasks weekly so everyone gets a fair share and this should stop ‘task ‘boredom’ setting in. If all else fails withdraw services, let him get on with making his own dinner and stop washing his clothes. He’ll soon learn!

My boyfriend tells his mum everything - it¹s really annoying and he calls her with every bit of goss'.. I¹m worried there are three people in our relationship. How can I
downsize it to two, delicately?

Colin: First things first, don’t ask him to choose between you and his mother… With mummy’s boys, you’ll always lose! His mum is his mum for as long as she’s around and you, sweetpea, are stuck with her. What you need to do is have a chat with your boyfriend and tell him calmly how you feel about him telling her everything and about all the things you’d like to keep private between the two of you. If you don't speak up now and get your feelings out, then this matter is only going to get worse. If there doesn't appear to be any change in his behaviour - and it still causes you grief - then maybe it time for a new boyfriend!


Justin: Buddy up with his Mum as much as you can. If she becomes your friend too then he’s less likely to divulge all your secrets to her. I think you’re actually lucky that you have a chap who’s still interested in his Mum and still has a good relationship with her. If it all becomes too much for you, then have a face to face with your boy and tell him that your personal stuff is secret and that’s the way you’d like it to stay. But chill! If you go in too hard you’ll freak him out… so take it easy. Suggest that he continues ‘sharing’ on a less regular basis and try to gradually wean him away from spilling the beans all the time. And this is also worth thinking about – wouldn’t you rather he confided in her (someone who, hopefully, you know you can trust) rather than some random friend who could be regurgitating your private life to all and sundry? Just a thought!


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