My man still hasn¹t proposed we¹ve been together 8 years and talk about
marriage. He says we¹re fine as we are and will do one day. What does that
mean in man speak? Am I wasting my time?
Colin: Now come on, sweetie: why do you want to get married? Is it to show off, have a big Princess wedding day… or to receive a sign of commitment from your partner? This, you see, is where men and women differ: many women dream of a wedding day, siting it as a declaration of love and unity in the eyes of all. Many men, however, think that being faithful to the same partner for a period of time is the only commitment they need. Your fella's 8 years, you see, are testament to this logic. In his eyes, you’re a partnership already. He probably reckons you’re ‘fine as you are’ and if this is indeed the case - and you’re both happy as a couple - then chill out. Why rock the boat for the sake of a big dress and a big cake?
Justin: Colin and I were a couple for 23 years before we got married. We were ALWAYS committed and ALWAYS looking towards a bright, shared future but we never panicked about taking each other up the aisle. Guess we knew we’d do it when the time was right… for both of us. I reckon you need to talk this through with your boy because couples, no matter what their gender mix, should make decision together and in doing so share their hopes and their aspirations for a combined future. Don’t stress him out by making too big a deal out of it, rather tell him how much you love him and assure him that you’ll always be together. A little subtle reminder of how good you are together may be all that’s required to have him brandishing that engagement ring. Good luck!
We¹re wedding planning but my fiancé doesn¹t seem interested in the decision
process. I don¹t want to leave him out, but it¹s tempting. Will he be
offended and is it normal he¹s disinterested?
Colin: C’mon you naughty girl, I can read between the lines here and see that you’ve already decided to leave him out! You know what? Sometimes guys just can’t win when it comes to wedding planning. They’re damned if they’re interested, and damned if they’re not. Your fiancé, however, does need to have some input as I’m sure he doesn’t want a Katie Price ‘fairy tale’ wedding with wall to wall drag queens… Ask him about the kind of day he’d like to have, make a list, tell him you don’t want to leave him out and if he’s ok with all that, you’ll be okay too. Honestly, I’m sure he loves you dearly… but if I’m perfectly honest, the only thing he’s really thinking about is the stag do! So take charge of your own big day and let him look forward to a night on the tiles with the boys!
Justin: Most of the men I know are happy with minimal wedding input, and prefer the easier option of letting their better halves do all the planning. It’s just a guy thing, I promise, so don’t worry. That said, unless you make him think he’s even a little involved, it could cause resentment further down the line so toss in a few questions about mood, design and food planning and gauge his reaction. And besides, you’re probably in control anyway - and secretly love the idea of taking charge – so go on, love, just get bloody on with it! Information, after all, is power: keep him apprised of what’s going on and he won’t feel left out. And you’ll have the wedding of your dreams!
My man is lazy, he likes eating, sleeping and drinking and I want
excitement. We¹re great together but why doesn¹t he have more of a sense of
adventure and excitement?
Colin: He likes eating, sleeping and drinking? Is that it? Is he a pet or is he a person? From your description I’m not sure. If he’s been like this since you got together then you can’t really expect him to change. If, however, his behaviour is new, then maybe it’s time for him to shape up or ship out. Some guys simply like an easy life and many blokes are looking for another mother… rather than a lover. If you’ve always let him away with this lack lustre behaviour, then I reckon it could be difficult to make him change. Try suggesting exciting new things that you could do together and if he resists all of your suggestions, then perhaps it’s time for you to decide if this relationship still actually works.
DON’T give up on him. First of all assure yourself that there’s no underlying psychological or medical reason for his sluggish habits and when you’re certain he’s just God damned lazy, kick his ass, sista! Yup, find yourselves some SHARED new interests and then push him into activity. He might actually like it! Start plotting days away, fun times and nights out. Show him how rewarding it is to be active and if necessary pull him kicking, and screaming from that sofa, bed or dining table. Life is wonderful but it passes by all too quickly when you’re in the comfort zone. I reckon that women, generally, have more of a lust for life so it’s up to you to use your feminine wiles to get him going. Take charge of the situation and just think; if you’re good as a couple when he’s sloth like, how much fun will you have together when the animation starts!
I¹ve been going out with my man for four months and want to vamp up his
wardrobe. How can I make him update his look without freaking him out? I
don¹t want him to think I¹m trying to change him which I kind of am!
Colin: If you suddenly appear with smart shirts and ties - when your fella is more of a trackie wearer - then he’s not only gonna smell a rat, he’s gonna avoid your new purchases… and your plan will be dashed. When it comes to tackling your guy’s fashion, take small steps towards smartness rather than aspiring to total transformation overnight and that way he’ll be more likely to go with the flow. It might be useful for you to take a look at his smarter friends and pick up some of their style tips and copy those. That way he’ll blend in with the pack and be totally happy because he’ll recognise – without feeling threatened by – your sartorial suggestions!
Justin: None of the blokes I know actually choose to look dowdy, they sometimes just don’t know where to start. Fact of the matter is that many modern guys actually want to look sharp… but need a helping hand. Look what Posh did for Becks, huh? Take him out to cool bars and restaurants where you’re bound to see well dressed talent (you’ll enjoy the view if nothing else!) and chat about ‘looks’ that you (and he!) think work. Then take him shopping. Subtly remind him just how good he looks and in doing so flatter him and build his confidence. Assure him that being stylish DOESN’T emasculate him, then treat him to some cool new garb. But don’t go overboard – he’s not ‘Dress Me Up Barbie’ after all. Tweak and tailor him bit by bit (Zara and H&M are great starting points) until he’s putty in your stylish hands. But remember Rome wasn’t built in a day. Style CAN be learned… but not overnight. So go easy and let your ‘new’ fella gradually evolve…