More agony uncles questions

My man is 10 years older than me and automatically thinks that means he
knows best! Why is this?

Ten years is a long time on the journey we call life – perhaps an eighth or ninth of our total span - so it’s no surprise that your old (sorry) man feels like he knows best. The thing about age differences is that it’s best for age to make NO difference! Get that in your head and then you can approach his superiority on a level playing field rather than attributing his behaviour to age. If he makes you feel inferior, then you really need to have it out with him and explain just how you feel. But have the discussion without histrionics - instead sit down and talk about it all as two well adjusted equals. An age difference, after all, is only a problem if you continue letting it become one.

Do older men know best? Well, to be honest, we have to say no. But first things first: I hope your fella chose to be with you because he loves YOU and not just your shorter tenure on God’s good earth. Have a heart to heart and tell him it’s not fair to call the shots just because he’s older. Make him see that making relevant life decisions is case specific and not something that should be brokered according to age Sure, there’ll be times when he IS better equipped to make good choices (because he’s been round longer and perhaps seen more) but there’ll be times when you, as the younger partner, will be better equipped as your finger may be more on the pulse (contemporary issues?) than his. My mother and my late father had nearly ten years between them and they were, at all times, a democracy. So follow the Ryan lead and start SHARING decision making!


My man spends a fortune on anything car related ­ he loves his car more than
me! But when it comes to holidays or clothes he says we can¹t afford it.
What does the car have that I don¹t?!

Look at this from another perspective… What does your shoe cupboard have that his doesn’t? Yup, gal’s love shoes. Dudes love cars. Simple. Men and motors go together like steak and chips so there’s absolutely no point trying to make him choose. You can, however, be sneaky about this issue by including yourself in his motoring pastime. This will either make him see what a great catch you are, or he’ll be so desperate to get you out of his hobby that he’ll agree to anything you suggest. Either way you’ll get the holiday you’re so desperate for! Failing that, combine his love and your need by planning a trip to the Monaco Grand Prix; that way you’ll get the glamour on the Cote D’Azur and he’ll get some hot motor racing to watch. Result!

I don’t see that there’s a major problem with his car affections AS LONG, that is, as you’re sharing money - on an equal basis - like any good couple should. Work out your available disposable income after all bills are paid, apportion the costs of a holiday and then put this sum of money in the bank. Whatever’s left can then be split down the middle to take care of life’s little luxuries. You keep your bit for all the cute girly stuff and he gets the remainder to take care of his car interests. That way you don’t do without AND you get to travel in style in that souped up motor of his dreams. Win win, honey??


My boyfriend is preoccupied with work and I’m feeling neglected! How can I
get his attention back on me, and off work!

Yet again, it all boils down to the ‘C’ word… communication. Rather than stew away in the corner, you need to sit down with your boy and discuss his workload in an understanding way: contrary to popular belief, men don’t like to moan and are more inclined to keep their feelings to themselves. Then, just as he does with work, put your diaries together and make plans for forthcoming nights out such as dinner, cinema or theatre. While this might sound a wee bit ‘mechanical’ on paper, this practical approach will produce results. Your boyfriend will want to have some downtime with you too (hopefully!) so he’ll have something nice to look forward to (outside work) and all this should help ease off at least some of his work stress.

While I can see that a distracting pre occupation with work is potentially a bad thing for you, it’s also a potential problem for your partner. You gotta think about him here too. Hopefully he loves his job, but come on; life is about work AND play and if he’s obsessing about his career he’ll eventually succumb to loads of pressure and stress. It’s time to fend off that heart attack! Here’s how to remedy things: sit down together and explain that you need a little more of his time. Don’t lay the pressure on too thickly for starters - I’m not suggesting that you demand ten times more social time than you currently get. Rather plan out the odd weekend away, or perhaps a couple of quiet diners a deux, and then take it from there. Slowly and surely - that’s how blokes like it…


My partner has decided to grow a beard and it¹s dreadful. The more I nag him
to get rid, the more he likes it! What is this about?

Beards come in all shapes and sizes – both Justin and I currently sport a bit of facial fuzz and we love it. Close cropped and shaped, it can look chic, elegant and downright manly. However, big bushy beards with last night’s dinner hanging in them are a no go and should be clipped immediately. Regarding your fella’s fuzz, here’s something to think about: girls really do have it all – you can change the length and colour of your hair, make your eyes and lips bigger and give yourselves a flawless complexion thanks to make up… Guys, on the other hand, have fewer options – long hair, short hair, clean shaven or, ahem, bearded. Your fella’s hopefully just trying out a new look, so get involved and encourage him to grow a beard that works for both of you… and then look upon it as a cuddly form of facial scrub!

Honey - I’m SO with you on this. Look what Angelina did to Brad. Enough said. Thank God Mr Pitt saw the light and finally wielded that Bic. But worry not - I’ve got a way to find a little (much less hairy) middle ground. Pull some pic’s from your favourite mag’s and show him the hot guys with neat, trimmed beards. Then make your fella look in a mirror. Hmm? Tell him how gorgeous he is but explain that he’d be SO much more gorgeous with a little careful grooming. Now you’ve got his attention pour a long hot bubble bath and sink in there together. Sexy, huh? Lather up his face and tell him you’re gonna make him even God damned hotter. DON’T go wild the first time: just trim a little here and there to neaten his overall look. And DON’T trek lower than neck line: most fella’s don’t actually like the idea of a back, sack and crack session. Just saying! Take it easy, for starters, and let your new super hot fella emerge